You Are My Existence
by icy.hearted.fallen.angel
Summary: "I love you." The words I wish to hear from him. But, it's impossible. Never going to happen. It hurts so much. I don't want to live anymore. "Goodbye.."  "Don't leave.." ToshiroxOC - please read ne. :3 Arigato! :
1. Ironic Start

**Hello there! Well, this story was adopted from "A Friendship Blooms". However, if you checked it out on our profile, I'm afraid you'll not be able to find anything. I erased it due to my own disappointment of the story. Though, I still kept a copy of it. XD**

**Okay, ANYWAY, let's proceed to this story…**

**Btw, if you get confused with the time line, just ask me for clarification. :)  
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**I hope you'll like the new story, haha, so I present..**

**The first chapter of You Are My Existence :)**

**[ENJOY~]**

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><p><strong>Disclaimer: I do not own BLEACH. It belongs to Tite Kubo.<strong>

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><p><strong>You Are My Existence<strong>

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**CHAPTER 1: Ironic Start**

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_**I can still smell the lovely flowers of Rukongai, as I tried to reminisce my times with him.. I was a child back then, unsure of where my actions lead, as innocent as a rose blooming; about to experience what life has set out for it. We create our own destiny, so I will…**_

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Hopping from one stone to the other, I stumble as I try to do so. Eventually I fell and lost my balance. I landed on my back and was successful to hurt myself. In addition to that, I'm covered with mud. Don't look at me as if I intended to be in the state I am now, believe me, even if I wanted to, the consequences when I got home are not worth it. I tried to wipe of the mud stuck on my face, but it just worsened my case. Suddenly I saw a hand, as I looked up; I recognized it was a boy. It was weird though, for I easily noticed his white hair.

I didn't think twice into reaching out for his hand for I didn't know how long I was sitting on that mud. He pulled me up with much difficulty. As I was able to regain my balance, he immediately withdrew his hand and walked away. It took me some time to absorb everything and was able to shout, "Wait up!" He stopped but he did not look back. "Thanks, my name is Tanaka Ainoko and yours?" I waited for him to reply but he just continued walking.

~..~

As expected when I got home, my mom scolded me for looking the way I did. She always does this and in the end, she says, "I don't want you to get hurt because I love you so much Ainoko. You know that." Then, she'll give me a kiss in the forehead and release me from her hug.

After a minute or so, I was sitting in front of our house entertaining myself with the serenity of the surroundings. You see, our house is somehow isolated since it took like two houses before you get to our neighbors; which also make it hard for me to gain friends. Well, we lived in district one known as Junrinan, part west of Rukongai so I think that isn't much of a question. But as I've learned Rukongai is such a populated place, so I wasn't really sure why our house was far from the others. Then, I remembered the boy with the white hair who helped me earlier. He makes me think about snow the moment I saw his white hair. The white haired-boy… _I wonder what his name is…_

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The next day I was picking flowers from a place I didn't even know. What I remember was I followed a butterfly and it led me here. Fascinated with the flowers, I started to pick them one by one. "You shouldn't do that." I heard a boy say. It was a rather familiar voice. I turned around and there he was, the boy with the white hair. "It's you again," I gave out a big grin, "You didn't replied yesterday, when I asked your name…" He stared at me blankly and then spoke, "You need not know." Even so I'm determined to make him a friend of mine, the very first friend of mine.

We stood there for a while. I felt the wind brush through my neck-long hair and saw the breeze altered his hair too. I was speechless as I stared at his eyes. They were blue, no, a bit green. It's not it too, it's, it's, turquoise, white hair and turquoise eyes. So different. So unique. So… beautiful. He closed his eyes and his eyebrow twitched. It caused me to remember that we we're both standing there. I have to admit, his eyes were mesmerizing. "I'm sorry, for staring at you like that." Like what happened yesterday, he just turned around and started to walk. Out of instincts I ran towards him and began to walk beside him. He didn't mind; I was relieved.

"I heard you just moved here." I was startled to hear his voice. "Where were you from?" He asked. My face formed a frown. I didn't want to remember that place, everything about it I want to forget. I stopped walking and bowed my head. "A place where no one can ever live. A place I will never go back to." After a brief pause, I continued, "It's tragic, very tragic. Death was everywhere." Moments from the past came back. Tears began to well up in my eyes. "Although I was only three years old that time, I can remember some of what happened. Blood was like a river flowing underneath my feet. I was crying back then, helplessly screaming for my parents. I didn't know what to do. I was too young back then to understand. I passed out at the same moment I saw the houses crashed caused by the fire that swallowed it. The place I was born was cruel, harsh." I was on my knees. Sobbing like the child I am. He came near me and softly spoke, "I'm sorry for asking you that. I didn't know. I'm sorry." After a moment or so, I was able to pull myself together. There again in front of me was his hand. "Come, come with me." he said.

He held my hand as we traveled which seemed to me an endless path. We went uphill and was able to gaze upon the tall trees that made up the highlands; light from the sun barely made its way through the thick roof made by the leaves. Confused, I asked "Where are we? Where are you taking me?" I didn't have the slightest clue of where we were going.

"You'll know when we get there." I had my trust in him. Somehow, though we've just met, his presence makes me feel at ease. I, I feel safe when I'm with him. I looked on his hand still holding mine, it felt as if he'll never let go. He'll never let anything happen to me. That's what it felt. Caught by all this, it slipped my senses that we've entered a cave.

"Where are we? It's scary here." I held tighter to his hand and drew myself closer to him. It was dark, really dark. I wasn't able to see a thing. As if he read my mind he said, "Don't worry. Soon you'll be able to see light. We're near." Just as he said, I saw light entering from the other end of the cave. My feet were moving on its own, eager to know what was waiting for me through that light. I felt excited.

The light was blinding, slowly the view became clearer. We were at a height overlooking Rukongai or at least a part of it. There were a lot of houses but they didn't seem to alter the natural arrangement of Rukongai. The view was really relaxing and peaceful. Moreover, the air up there was so fresh, so young, as I feel them go in my lungs and out.

"It's glad to know that you don't have fear of heights." he said as he invited me to sit near the edge of the elevated land. I felt the grass so softly through my hands. They were growing healthily and so green. "Why did you bring me here?" I asked as I looked at him, "Well, it's to make up for making you cry earlier." he replied. "Thanks." He looked at me and I gave him one of my biggest smiles.

Moments later we were lying on the grass and I tried my best to avoid any dead air by talking about random things. I've always been like that, so talkative even if my words do not coincide at all. There came a moment I was talking about the different shapes of the clouds: a bunny with really fluffy hair and with one ear bent down while the other standing upright, a duck, a dog and even a turtle, I saw them as they formed in the clouds. And another when I just babble about the silly things I did like one time when I was crying because a cat has scratched my nose, when I was teasing it. He'd give out a chuckle at some stories and in the others just a smile.

Soon he got up, and told me to look ahead. Then I noticed it was already afternoon for the sun is almost ready to set. The shade of orange and red with a little mix of yellow was one of the best things that I've seen. I tried my best to make out the form of the sun, it was really round. It made me think of Cookie, my dog. "The sunset… It's one of the best things I look forward here." The boy with the white hair and turquoise eyes said.

I smiled knowing that it will be a start, a beginning of a friendship everlasting…

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_**Destiny played its tricks. It was meant to be from the very start. We are all bounded by the walls narrowing our every path. With every step I take, it tightens the rope on my neck. I can't breathe, why does this have to happen to me? Why me of all people? I must accept it. I can do nothing about it… My heart does not want to leave but I'm afraid I didn't have a choice. Back there, I didn't have a choice.**_

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><p><strong>Yay! Chaaapter one, complete. :))<strong>

**How was it? I hope you didn't get bored. hahaha. XD**

**Thanks for reading, ne. :3**

**I'm thinking of the title of the story,.. So, can you give me suggestions, yes?..**

**Thank you veeery muuuch.! Ashiteruuu..! =3**

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	2. Leaving Home

**AkiraUchihaHitsugaya16**** , ****Thanks for reading ne. :3**

**I made a new resolution to upload a chapter when the chapter after it is done. So that I won't keep the readers waiting and to avoid disappointing chapters. Haha, yeah.**

**Okay, enough talk, here's chapter 2.. !**

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**Please don't be angry at me for changing the story: this story and some of Toshiro's past. However, if you are, please tell me right away, so that I can improve myself, thank you!**

**~..~**

**[ENJOY!~]**

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><p><strong>Disclaimer: I do not own BLEACH. It belongs to Tite Kubo and I respect him for such a masterpiece.<strong>

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><p><strong>You Are My Existence<strong>

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**CHAPTER 2: Leaving Home **

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_**The days I can't bear to remember.. Such a dreadful memory, a past where only "he" was beautiful, only "he" was worth remembering. The rest, worth forgetting. I wish I could forget. I'm sorry, I'm really sorry.. I didn't have a choice.. I didn't mean to, I'm sorry.**_

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Day after day our bond grew stronger and we became much closer to be called friends. I was so happy that I was able to have one. But still, I only know him as "the white haired boy with turquoise eyes".

We would spend time together and he'd take me on a tour around Junrinan. One day he introduced me to his grandmother whom he calls "Granny". I have grown accustomed into bringing her food each time I visit. My parents said it was polite to do so. We came often to that place where we first got to be "closer" to each other. I soon began to call it, "the hiding place", hiding place because it was out of sight and away from the busy district of Rukongai. It was like the "soft-side" of Rukongai.

Some days I would accompany my friend to the market to buy groceries his Granny asked him to. One day when I was with him, he asked me to look for soy beans as he finds some jelly beans. When I returned he was in the hands of a blonde, near orange haired woman. She wore a black kimono and pink scarf around her neck, on her side was a sword. My friend looked really annoyed. I just laughed. They looked at me and my friend struggled to break free from her grip. He was successful to do so and he ran towards me and took my hand, dragging me away with him. Before we left, I took a glance on the woman. _Who is she? I never once heard him talk of her before. In addition to that, why is she carrying a sword? _ When our eyes met, she winked at me. . Her eyes were blue and sparkly. I replied her with a smile though I was still really confused of his connection to her. I was about to trip as we ran through the road. Luckily, my friend was able to catch me.

"Who was she?" I asked my friend while he helps me get up. "I don't know. She just came up yelling at the store owner and scolding me about nonsense. Anyway, forget about it."

"Oh, okay."

I left it with that and after an exchange of goodbyes, I headed home.

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Cookie was looking at me with its really big eyes and its ears hanging, as if persuading me to give it more of what I was eating. "You've already had much! Look at you Cookie, you're already a ball not a dog!" It gave out a pitiful sound that can make you imagine it was crying. Cookie went underneath my toes and played around here and there while taking a glance at me from time to time and making that "crying" sound. "Okay fine, you win!" I gave him some of the meat on my plate. Cookie took it without hesitation and as fast as lightning, Cookie was off!

"Ainoko, hurry up and finish your food. You still have to change." Mother said as she placed some of our kitchenware inside a box.

"Where are we going mom? Why do I have to change? And, why are you packing up?"

"We're leaving." I dropped my spoon when the words struck my ears and looked at her in shock.

"Leaving? Again? I thought you said that we're going to stay here for good? Isn't that what you promised me mom?" Mother stopped for a while; she knelt in front of me and held my face. She looked so worried and troubled. "I know what I said, my dear. But things didn't turn out the way your dad and I have planned. I know it's difficult for you to leave, especially when you were able to gain a friend. My dear, forgive me. Believe me; we're doing this for you. We're doing this because we love you." I knew I must inform him of my departure. He must know. I will surely miss him. All those times we spent together, the times when we both laughed at my silly jokes and crazy deeds. Soon, I have to say goodbye.

Like how rain starts, tears began to well up and eventually fall from my eyes. I cried. I cried really hard. I don't want to leave. I don't want to be apart from him. My mom hugged me tight and whispered in my ears, in a very soft voice, _everything will be fine. I'm sorry Ainoko for bringing this upon you. I'm really sorry…_

I wiped the tears off my face and believed that everything was going to be all right. Mom smiled at me and I smiled back. "Now that's better. Come on, let's get ready." My mother said as she stood up.

I thought back then that it will turn out smoothly, since he didn't know of my departure. At least, things will be easier on his side. I know he'd be strong enough to let me go. Something I can never do. My last remembrance for him is that smile when we parted yesterday, before I got home. It's better to leave him with that memory of me, happy and cheerful.

But things didn't turn out the way I expect. The situation got more complicated. I heard the driver signal the horse. Just a few seconds when the horse cart started to move along the bumpy road, there was someone screaming my name. _Ainoko! _At first I thought it was just my imagination but in the curve of the street, through the dust cloud caused by the stomping of the horse on the sandy road appeared the figure of a boy. I didn't second guess, I know it is him. Then, his voice became clearer, "Ainoko! Why are you leaving? Ainoko, wait up!" I saw him running towards us. I know he is trying hard to catch up because sweat is heavily forming at his temples. Seeing the pain my friend was going through, I began to cry again. I can't bear to see him like that. It's my entire fault. Why am I so weak? _I'm really sorry…_

He continued to run, when he got close enough, he shouted "Promise me! Ainoko! That we'll meet again!"

"Yes! I promise!" I shouted back, my hands extending to touch his. It was no good, the horse cart was faster than him.

"Remember me, Ainoko! Hitsugaya Toshiro!" He was falling behind. "I'll never forget you, Toshiro!" Those were my last words using every energy I have left to scream my loudest. My hands were trembling. Tears flowed down my cheeks like a dam suddenly opened. I heard him so, as if in a whisper, "_Goodbye, Ainoko…_", then he disappeared from my view, engulfed by the dust. _I'm really sorry I have to leave.. I'm so sorry for making you suffer like that.. It's my fault, all my fault.. I'm sorry.._

As if a decade passed, I continued to stare blankly into the direction where he stood, looking on an empty road, looking for someone who is not there. _Hitsugaya Toshiro… _I raised my head and looked at the vast sky. Something fell in my nose, white fluffy cotton. I tried to touch it but it just melted. _Snow… Toshiro…_ _I will never forget you, I promise. I promise till the day I die, we will meet again…_

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_**A promise where my heart and soul resides. A promise that I devotedly offered my whole existence in order to fulfill. I won't repeat the same mistakes again, I will hurt him no more. He became the reason for every move I take, the air every time I breathe and the beat of my heart every second I live my life. We will meet again, no matter what I go through; it doesn't matter, for that one wish to come true…**_

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><p><strong>Whew… I really cried when I wrote this chapter..<br>I placed myself in their situation and I can't take it.. It's so heavy..**

**Hahahahaha. XD Anyway, enough drama and sadness.. XD  
>Life's meant to be enjoyed.. Speaking of enjoyment,. did you like it?<strong>

**Or must I be ready to shield myself by using a food tray or something? Hahahahaha.. XD  
>Just kidding, ne. :3<strong>

**Thanks for reading this chaaapter. I really hoped you liked it! XD**

**Be right back! :)**

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	3. Obfuscating Simplicity

**Hi readers! It's me again! :) **

**So how's life? :))**

**Hehehehe,.. XD**

**Okay, enough chit chaaat. I know you want to read chapter 3 and not this silly author's note (I'm not really sure of what it's called. XD Hahahahaha.)**

**So, Here's Chaaapter 3: [ENJOY~]**

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><p><strong>Disclaimer: I do not own BLEACH. It belongs to Tite Kubo.<strong>

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><p><strong>You Are My Existence<strong>

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**CHAPTER 3: Obfuscating Simplicity**

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_**Tik tok… The pendulum of the clock keeps its pace. Tik tok tik tok… moving faster… Tik tok tik tok tik tok… growing impatient of the tardiness… Tik tok tik tok tik tok…**_

_**~..~**_

Standing in front of the gate, I felt like an ant while a century seemed to pass and I did nothing but stare at the gigantic institution.

~..~.. Flashback.. ~..~

A white fluffy snow intervened between the pages of the book I was reading.

_Toshiro… _

It has been a really long time since the day I left Rukongai, the day I left him.

_How can I fulfill my promise? I don't have any idea where he is… _

I tear ran down my face, _I miss him… _

"We're sending you to the Spiritual Arts Academy." I hurriedly wiped the mark left by the tear and looked at the direction where the voice was coming.

"Spiritual Arts Academy?"

"You're going to be a Soul Reaper my daughter." My dad said as he handed me a lot of papers. I skimmed through the writings, "_Registration Form…" _Then dad began to explain, "Fill up the form quickly so that I can submit it to the academy. The day after tomorrow, you'll take the entrance exam needed to be admitted to the said institution." Shocked by the abrupt news, many questions formed inside my head.

"An academy for soul reapers? What are soul reapers?" I began with the basic question.

"You'll be able to answer that question yourself when you start going to the academy." Dad replied.

"But, why do I have to be one? Why only now? How about you? Will you and mom be fine without me?"

"Yes, we will be fine my child." My mom said as she sat beside me.

"We know you're confused but the right time will come for you to understand." Dad hugged me and I shrugged the worried look off my face. "Change into these clothes before you get cold." Mom kissed me in the forehead while she handed me the sweaters and gloves.

_I love my family…_

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A few days later, the news came to us that I passed the entrance exam. Though I'm not really interested in being a soul reaper, I was excited of the results; knowing that I was able to fulfill an important role for my parents. My parents were just smiling. It gave me the feeling they expected me to pass.

I was glad to know that I didn't let them down.

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Everything was set and I was ready to go.

"Mom, Dad, it will take me a long time before I can graduate from the academy. I will miss you both." I cried. They hugged me. We stood there for a while, "Six years, six long years. Are you sure you'll be fine?"

"Yes, we will. Don't worry about us, Ainoko. We'll be fine." Mom replied.

I released them from my hug and began to run as the driver shouted at me to hurry up.

"I will do my best! I'll try to be home sooner than six years! I love you Mom and Dad!" I waved at them. They waved back.

_Another farewell… Yet, a new beginning…_

~..~..End of Flashback..~..~

'Shinoreijutsuin…'

_I'm here. _

People passed me by, _Am I ready to be a soul reaper? Can I do this? No, no I can't. _I turned around and was ready to walk away. But then, I remembered my parents. _I can't afford to disappoint them… _

Standing in front of the gate, I felt like an ant while a century seemed to pass and I did nothing but stare at the gigantic institution.

I was nervous, confused, shocked, scared? I don't know, all emotions started forming inside my head. as if I was about to explode. It's my first time entering a school, my FIRST time.

After a while though, somehow I was able to follow the group of students heading to the ceremony for the new students of the academy.

~..~

Before the ceremony ended, it was announced that the sectioning was posted at the lobby of the building along with the class schedules. Like an obedient servant, I followed the other students heading towards the lobby. On my way there, I began to observe. The other students seem to have known each other; they were laughing and talking to one another.

_I guess, I'm alone then…_

~..~

I soon reached the lobby and looked for my name in the class listing. Finally, I found mine in class no. 1, beside it was our class schedules on a tiny sheet of paper. I grabbed one, examined it. First Class, homeroom.

I looked in the listing again and tried to find his name, in hopes that he too enrolled in the academy. _Hi…Hitsugaya… _A smile drew upon my face while my fingers traced through the consecutive letters H, I, T…

*Bell Rings*

_Oh no! _I looked at the clock and estimated my chances. I didn't have a choice, my classroom was at the third floor and I only have three minutes left before my first class starts. There was one thing on my mind, to get there as fast as I can, using the stairs and check the list later.

I reached the third floor, but our room was at the middle of the building, three rooms more.

I was desperately catching my breath. _20 seconds left… _It's no use, I knew I wasn't going to make it but I ran as fast as I can. In that lapse of time, I'm not sure but I felt my feet off the ground and before the hand of the clock ticks, I was in front of our classroom's door. Just in time.

I came in and took the empty chair by the window. _What just happened? Did, did I fly back there? No, that's impossible, ridiculous. Teleportation? No, that's even worse. _

The door suddenly slammed and our teacher entered. He has shaggy blonde hair and was wearing a black kimono. It reminded me of the woman I met during my childhood; the one Toshiro was having an argument with. The only difference was he wore a white coat over him with black diamond pattern along its bottom half.

_Soul reapers, they were both soul reapers…_

I felt a strong aura from our teacher; something was bothering me about him, something made me uncomfortable. I don't know but being near his presence made me feel scared.

"Good Morning, teacher!" Our class greeted, but I was only able to catch up and say "-cher".

_I should really try to be more focused… _

"Good Morning, my name is Kisuke Urahara. But I'm afraid I'm just here to substitute for your real teacher who is currently at home because of high fever." He looked away from us, as if trying to forget something that has happened. Then, after 30 seconds or so, he spoke again. "As of any rate, I welcome you to class #1: the special accelerated program." Each and one of us looked around, the murmurs of my classmates were obvious. "I see, you're all confused. Let me explain," all eyes were locked on him, "The special accelerated program as the name suggests, means that you'll all be graduating for less than the usual curriculum period of 6 years. All of you possess the potential which makes you different from the rest." explained our teacher.

_Less than six years? That's perfect! I can graduate earlier like what I said to mom and dad before I left… _There were other things Urahara-sensei explained, but my mind only registered the early graduation part. Honestly, my mind was preoccupied with something else. _Three consecutive letters…H, I, T… _This could be the day I was waiting for my whole life, the day we meet again.

I was growing impatient, wishing the clock would just tick faster. Most of the classes were about introductions, so I'm sure I didn't miss anything important. _After this class, it's going to be lunch time… _My fingers were tapping one after the other. _Clock, tick faster!_

_Five…_

_Four…_

_Three.._

_Two…_

_One…_

*Bell Rings*

"FINALLY!" I shouted inside my head. Without second thinking I hurried towards the lobby… _This is it! This is really it!_ I ran my finger through the names and found what I was looking for.

_Hi.._

_Hit.._

_Hitomi Mai…_

It's obvious that's not his name, furthermore, it's a girl's name. I tried to look at the other sections but his name was nowhere to be found. My hope shattered like glass, broken into a million pieces. I really thought the day had finally come. But I was wrong.

"I guess I'm wrong then…" I let out a sigh while my head bent down. There I was sitting on the floor; I had high hopes and the feeling of disappointment was just too much. _Why do these kinds of things happen to meeeeee?_

"Excuse me, miss, are you all right?"

I turned my head around and I saw our teacher, well our substitute teacher, Urahara-sensei.

" Urahara-sensei!"

_**~..~**_

_**Not everything is a disaster, a fragment of chaos. Occasionally, there's a sprout of delight which grows into a benevolent demeanor in every situation. Raise your head and see the sky. So high… So vast ... Take the chance.**_

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><p><strong>This chapter was kind of long.. o.o<strong>

**I tried to lessen it though… I hope I was able to do so..  
>And, hope you didn't get bored. :)<strong>

**ANYWAY, you might be confused as to why Kisuke was there because maybe when Toshiro entered the shinigami academy or graduated the academy, Kisuke was already sent to the human world for exile, but this is fanfiction. :) Almost anything can happen.**

**Though, let me hear of your reactions. :)**  
><strong>I want to know what you think, any kind of review is welcome. Help me improve ne. :)<strong>

**Arigatoooo~ Aishiteruuuuu. :3**

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